Reaching your 20 years’ checkpoint is a huge deal. It’s crucial. It is the time where it’s possible to celebrate your life and choose to walk down the paths that will mould you. This chapter of your life will determine the way you’d live your upcoming decades.
The truth is: not many people give enough emphasis on the importance of the so-called ‘defining decade’. That’s because not many people walked into their twenties knowing what they’d want for themselves. In many ways, people take their youth for granted.
Chances are that if you are fresh in your 20s, or somewhere within that age range, it isn’t too late. Your life hasn’t yet begun. Your past; regrets and failures hold no merit. Take lessons from your story in all its wonder, and let the next chapter continue.
People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.
Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?
To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.
It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.
Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’twilling to do.
They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.
This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.
“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”
Of all the 8.7 million different species that walk this modern Earth, human beings (Homo sapiens) are the only known creatures that aspire the will to create. We want to stand out apart from all the other lifeforms that co-exist with us. Heck, we even want to stand apart from each other. We all want something that we can call “our own.”
If you are an artist, you could probably relate to this question, “Something went wrong, but what exactly?” This is true for most artists. Some of us shrug it off easier than others; some of us find it a hair-pulling situation to be in. The bottom line is: nobody likes the feeling.
This brings me to my next question, where does that thought really stem from?
We all have our fears, insecurities, and doubts, don’t we? In fact, from very young ages, we were taught to trust and distrust the things in our surrounding environment. A very Sisyphean way of thinking. We innately fear what we don’t quite understand. Until we can put those worries to bed, all we could do is try to make ourselves feel comfortable.
To save ourselves the trouble of complicating our thoughts, we turn a blind eye towards perspectives that we are less inclined to believe in or to believe will happen. This sort of black-and-white thinking (or all-or-nothing thinking) is a defence mechanism.
Dealing in absolutes is essentially when we take an answer, solidify our stance on it, and ignore all other possibilities. It is an extreme that implores us to think that something or someone is entirely good or entirely bad; whether it is to be trusted or not. We become reluctant to find a middle ground.
The psychiatric term for this phenomenon is called splitting.
To better understand this topic, I’m gonna need you to drop the myth that any one emotion is remotely ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Drop it. In the end of the day, all you are left to do is to simply feel them.
However, it all goes without saying that our emotions are indeed complexed. Feeling emotions to later identify what they (really) are and how they came about is the best way to working through it. You must allow your emotions to flow.
Life doesn’t exist in shades of black and white, and this same principle applies to our emotions, too. There are times we may feel sad, which may come off as a generally negative feeling, albeit a normal emotional response to pain, there also exists its darker counterpart, despair.
The same goes for the feelings of anger and hatred.
Love and lust.
Faith and greed.
But what about our happiness? Could a word that sounds as purely innocent as to what it means really have such a negative, extreme aspect? Is our happiness capable of bringing harm to oneself and to others?
Allow me to introduce to you a really cool-sounding German term Schadenfreude, which means “defective joy“. This oxymoron is used when a person’s sense of pleasure is derived from the pain and calamities that befall on others.