People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.
Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?
To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.
It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.
Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’twilling to do.
They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.
This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.
“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”
It has been said that ‘hate’ is a strong word. So, is there some other emotion that could better describe the way you feel toward something or someone else?
To hate someone means to exhibit hostility in their presence. On the other hand, resentment involves showing similar behaviours of disgust, albeit more discreetly. In fact, a person who harbours resentment may be more depressed about it, and the feelings of anger that come with it are more likely to be internalised than projected.
You can’t so easily hate a person, especially if it is regarding someone closest to you. But it is easier to resent a person. Even the strongest of bonds you have with someone else can be strained with resentment.
To better understand this topic, I’m gonna need you to drop the myth that any one emotion is remotely ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Drop it. In the end of the day, all you are left to do is to simply feel them.
However, it all goes without saying that our emotions are indeed complexed. Feeling emotions to later identify what they (really) are and how they came about is the best way to working through it. You must allow your emotions to flow.
Life doesn’t exist in shades of black and white, and this same principle applies to our emotions, too. There are times we may feel sad, which may come off as a generally negative feeling, albeit a normal emotional response to pain, there also exists its darker counterpart, despair.
The same goes for the feelings of anger and hatred.
Love and lust.
Faith and greed.
But what about our happiness? Could a word that sounds as purely innocent as to what it means really have such a negative, extreme aspect? Is our happiness capable of bringing harm to oneself and to others?
Allow me to introduce to you a really cool-sounding German term Schadenfreude, which means “defective joy“. This oxymoron is used when a person’s sense of pleasure is derived from the pain and calamities that befall on others.
There is a lot more to having empathy than just putting oneself in someone else’s shoes. You are validating their feelings, too. You are willing to see past their faults, blessings, and problems. You’re seeing them for who they are.
It’s not their vulnerabilities that has gotten your interest, and there is only so much that you can do for them. At times, you may even feel powerless, as you watch them pick themselves up from a distance. After all, life is not without its hardships.
Empathy is more or less like a special, unspoken bond you could have with someone else. It is the basis of compassion; to relate to someone in all their wonder. At that moment, you are being present with them, without the concern for self-interest; and without condition. That sends the right message: “I’ve got you.”
Anger. While it is not the easiest emotion to harbour, it is surely among the most tempting to give into. Why is it, that you ask? We feel angry because it helps us to regulate pain.
It is always easier to get angry than to get hurt.
Whenever you feel angry, you must allow the emotion to flow. The best way out of an emotion is to simply feel it.
With that being said, you shouldn’t dwell on the feeling any longer than you have to. The problem when we focus solely on our anger and its triggering events is that it intensifies, and it gets to the point of getting annoying.
This brings us to a whole new other level of anger: frustration. Anger manifests into frustration when we get upset or annoyed by how prolonging we find our situations to be. By dwelling on it, we’ve essentially ingrained the emotion into our subconscious minds.