What To Do When Family Hates You, A Black Sheep’s Memoir

Growing up is hardly ever a smooth sailing transition. Before you get to open waters, you’ve got to watch out for the riptides. Interestingly, for better or for worse, we’re not alone. That’s where family comes in. They’ve got your back. They are all you’ve ever known. They assure you that you can always feel safe with them.

But that’s not always the case now, is it? We live in a reality where life is never a one-size-fits-all scenario.

Going back to the topic of growing up, it is a journey that calls for tough decision making. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choices. All that exists are the ones you make, and that calls for you to be wholly responsible for them. It is only natural that not everyone can agree with your wants and needs. It goes without saying that they just don’t see themselves in them.

In such cases, the right thing is hardly ever the best thing. This is the part of growing up where your perceptions of the people you once grew up with changes. You will begin to mould your own definition of the concept of family. And that’s okay. Change is the only thing that is constant, and family dynamics aren’t an exception to that.

Here are some things you could do when you feel hated by your loved ones. Let’s give you an idea on how to work through negative sentiments healthily.

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SAY ‘NO’ – The Way to Establish Boundaries

Let’s get something straightened out. For those of you who aren’t liberal enough, you’re not going to get it. Some of you may think you get it; you want to get it. You claim that you could relate to others with what you’ve personally been through, but you could never understand what it means to live someone else’s life. To be a has-been, you need to actually “have been”.

Telling someone off with the two-letter word can be a powerful statement in and of itself. You’re setting a boundary between them and you; a mark of how far you’d go for them. Of course it is only natural that anyone being told off “no” would like to hear a reason for it. There is that suggest of genuinely wanting to know. For the most part, you’re almost tempted to give them your excuses. You hope that they could be persuaded to see things through your eyes, too.

I’m going to break it to you: they don’t need it. You don’t have to do the persuasion bit. All that’s left after saying a firm, comprehensible “no” is to proceed with your own programme. As for the other person; so long as you’ve fulfilled your end of your responsibilities, then they just have to respect that decision. It’s entirely up to them as to how they’d want to make peace with it.

Giving a succinct “no” for an answer; without any further justifications can bring about an important change in how others see you. You’re giving off the impression that you are not one to be taken lightly, or to be taken advantage of. Your generosity is not to be mistaken for subservience.

Here are some things I wished I had known for the longest time; growing up. Knowing when to say no at the appropriate time can be tricky, but it’s not so mind-boggling as you might think.

“People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

Steve Jobs
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Frequently Asked Questions about Racing Thoughts

Racing thoughts are inconsistent, rapid thought patterns that we have little to no control over. Everything that pops into your mind feels spontaneous and so random you can’t make sense of any of it. Your mind is clearly still active; restless, even if your body is feeling otherwise. It gets easy to feel overwhelmed by it.

Sometimes, it’s a symptom of depression or anxiety, or even, both. It is entirely possible for the two psychological abnormalities to be a comorbidity of each other. The underlying root is the same: we hold onto negative expectations, and believe it to be inescapable.

But you’re not alone! It happens to everyone and at any moment in their lives. It’s just another one of life’s long series of solvable problems.

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Dealing in Absolutes, how reality is denied

We all have our fears, insecurities, and doubts, don’t we? In fact, from very young ages, we were taught to trust and distrust the things in our surrounding environment. A very Sisyphean way of thinking. We innately fear what we don’t quite understand. Until we can put those worries to bed, all we could do is try to make ourselves feel comfortable.

To save ourselves the trouble of complicating our thoughts, we turn a blind eye towards perspectives that we are less inclined to believe in or to believe will happen. This sort of black-and-white thinking (or all-or-nothing thinking) is a defence mechanism.

Dealing in absolutes is essentially when we take an answer, solidify our stance on it, and ignore all other possibilities. It is an extreme that implores us to think that something or someone is entirely good or entirely bad; whether it is to be trusted or not. We become reluctant to find a middle ground.

The psychiatric term for this phenomenon is called splitting.

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Silence In A Relationship— and finding your own closure

There is something beautiful about falling in love. You get to see someone special to you in a whole new coloured lens; see things the way they do, talk about things you never thought were important, those long, light-footed walks in parks as the sun sets over the horizon and their voice plays a tune to your ear.

Yeah, that only works in movies…

There is a lot more to falling in love than just one big declaration. There’ll be disagreements, compromises, misunderstandings, arguments, separation, and of course, the usual anxiety. It’s a mess. 

Words can hurt and actions speak louder. But what about silence, that prolonging, haunting feeling that plagues you when voices go unheard? How does one fare in that situation? After all, things seem to get way more complicated than that.

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