People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.
Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?
To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.
It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.
Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’twilling to do.
They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.
This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.
“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”
Many people are modest about their individual levels of self-respect. There are some who will mask their insecurities with great confidence. Then, there are those who openly profess holding a negatively low opinion about themselves. People’s responses could range from anywhere between gestures of humility to self-aggrandising remarks to even cries of self-pity. It’s a sensitive question altogether. At its core, it is more about fulfilment than it is a matter of self-respect. Surely, with the former comes the latter. The more goals you accomplish, the more you see yourself worthy of respect.
The decision is ultimately one of two; either to strive for ‘more’, or to make peace with what assets one already has at their disposal. People are creatures of purpose. Many of us find our sense of identity in affiliation. Those who wish to venture outside the collective, social norm often resort to honing their skills which they and more often than not, higher ups find agreeable and worthy of recognition.
In our attempts for seeking out opportunities, self-esteem becomes a crucial factor. We wonder to how far an extent our chances are at succeeding. To get the full perspective of building one’s self-esteem, there is a suggest of competition among peers, and even within ourselves. “What makes us stand apart from the crowd?” we second-guess ourselves.
Of all the 8.7 million different species that walk this modern Earth, human beings (Homo sapiens) are the only known creatures that aspire the will to create. We want to stand out apart from all the other lifeforms that co-exist with us. Heck, we even want to stand apart from each other. We all want something that we can call “our own.”
If you are an artist, you could probably relate to this question, “Something went wrong, but what exactly?” This is true for most artists. Some of us shrug it off easier than others; some of us find it a hair-pulling situation to be in. The bottom line is: nobody likes the feeling.
This brings me to my next question, where does that thought really stem from?
Uncertain times can get the better of us. When so much is on the line, you begin to feel lost and desperate for a definitive answer. And you want it now. It’s almost as if you’re bargaining with fate. Chances are you’re bored and there’s nothing more to be done about your circumstances, except to wait anxiously.
You could only stay quiet for so long. Or can you actually pull that off?
Patience goes a long way. It’s another problem on its own, but a solvable one. Patience is a learned behaviour so don’t expect yourself to master the art overnight. All in all, no one really holds onto patience so perfectly; there are times we lose sight of it. It’s all done in the name of trying.
When we wait for something, we’re often waiting with something, too. Sometimes, our minds get accompanied with thoughts of alarming worry, or even the worst extremes, despair and regret. We feel overwhelmed. Optimism isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I can assure that the best of its properties are somewhere along the bitterness.
So, remember how your parents used to ground you for weeks on end for a misdemeanour you made as a child? Well, this is a different sort of grounding because this time, it’s going to be on your terms.
Let’s get something straightened out. For those of you who aren’t liberal enough, you’re not going to get it. Some of you may think you get it; you want to get it. You claim that you could relate to others with what you’ve personally been through, but you could never understand what it means to live someone else’s life. To be a has-been, you need to actually “have been”.
Telling someone off with the two-letter word can be a powerful statement in and of itself. You’re setting a boundary between them and you; a mark of how far you’d go for them. Of course it is only natural that anyone being told off “no” would like to hear a reason for it. There is that suggest of genuinely wanting to know. For the most part, you’re almost tempted to give them your excuses. You hope that they could be persuaded to see things through your eyes, too.
I’m going to break it to you: they don’t need it. You don’t have to do the persuasion bit. All that’s left after saying a firm, comprehensible “no” is to proceed with your own programme. As for the other person; so long as you’ve fulfilled your end of your responsibilities, then they just have to respect that decision. It’s entirely up to them as to how they’d want to make peace with it.
Giving a succinct “no” for an answer; without any further justifications can bring about an important change in how others see you. You’re giving off the impression that you are not one to be taken lightly, or to be taken advantage of. Your generosity is not to be mistaken for subservience.
Here are some things I wished I had known for the longest time; growing up. Knowing when to say no at the appropriate time can be tricky, but it’s not so mind-boggling as you might think.
“People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”
Racing thoughts are inconsistent, rapid thought patterns that we have little to no control over. Everything that pops into your mind feels spontaneous and so random you can’t make sense of any of it. Your mind is clearly still active; restless, even if your body is feeling otherwise. It gets easy to feel overwhelmed by it.
Sometimes, it’s a symptom of depression or anxiety, or even, both. It is entirely possible for the two psychological abnormalities to be a comorbidity of each other. The underlying root is the same: we hold onto negative expectations, and believe it to be inescapable.
But you’re not alone! It happens to everyone and at any moment in their lives. It’s just another one of life’s long series of solvable problems.
Sometimes you can’t help it. Feeling anxious is another form of fear. Anxiety is the kind of worry you have over an exaggerated, expected event to happen in your life. You anticipate the worst imaginable outcome so that you’ll supposedly be mentally prepared for it should it happen.
Nothing will put your mind at peace. You’ll think obsessively about it; become so overwhelmed by it that you can’t hold water. It is only until you could see the end result for yourself will you be able to resolve your inner conflict.
So why plan B? The idea is to cope with your anxiety until the moment of truth arrives. How ever long the wait may be I implore you to put your time and energy into thinking of an alternative solution. You’ve got to have all your options out on the table. It sure beats beating yourself up with no other choices in mind.
Think of plan B as another route to getting to the same destination you initially intended with plan A. You aren’t settling for less, you’re just giving yourself a better shot at succeeding. Your life is full of second chances. It’s all about finding the right places, so bide your time.
“The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B.”
We all have our fears, insecurities, and doubts, don’t we? In fact, from very young ages, we were taught to trust and distrust the things in our surrounding environment. A very Sisyphean way of thinking. We innately fear what we don’t quite understand. Until we can put those worries to bed, all we could do is try to make ourselves feel comfortable.
To save ourselves the trouble of complicating our thoughts, we turn a blind eye towards perspectives that we are less inclined to believe in or to believe will happen. This sort of black-and-white thinking (or all-or-nothing thinking) is a defence mechanism.
Dealing in absolutes is essentially when we take an answer, solidify our stance on it, and ignore all other possibilities. It is an extreme that implores us to think that something or someone is entirely good or entirely bad; whether it is to be trusted or not. We become reluctant to find a middle ground.
The psychiatric term for this phenomenon is called splitting.
It has been said that ‘hate’ is a strong word. So, is there some other emotion that could better describe the way you feel toward something or someone else?
To hate someone means to exhibit hostility in their presence. On the other hand, resentment involves showing similar behaviours of disgust, albeit more discreetly. In fact, a person who harbours resentment may be more depressed about it, and the feelings of anger that come with it are more likely to be internalised than projected.
You can’t so easily hate a person, especially if it is regarding someone closest to you. But it is easier to resent a person. Even the strongest of bonds you have with someone else can be strained with resentment.