What To Do When Family Hates You, A Black Sheep’s Memoir

Growing up is hardly ever a smooth sailing transition. Before you get to open waters, you’ve got to watch out for the riptides. Interestingly, for better or for worse, we’re not alone. That’s where family comes in. They’ve got your back. They are all you’ve ever known. They assure you that you can always feel safe with them.

But that’s not always the case now, is it? We live in a reality where life is never a one-size-fits-all scenario.

Going back to the topic of growing up, it is a journey that calls for tough decision making. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choices. All that exists are the ones you make, and that calls for you to be wholly responsible for them. It is only natural that not everyone can agree with your wants and needs. It goes without saying that they just don’t see themselves in them.

In such cases, the right thing is hardly ever the best thing. This is the part of growing up where your perceptions of the people you once grew up with changes. You will begin to mould your own definition of the concept of family. And that’s okay. Change is the only thing that is constant, and family dynamics aren’t an exception to that.

Here are some things you could do when you feel hated by your loved ones. Let’s give you an idea on how to work through negative sentiments healthily.

Continue reading

Human Errors: The Case Against Yourself

Nobody is perfect and you are not an exception to that rule. We are ridden with flaws, mistakes, guilt, grief, regrets, and insecurities. Heck, the problem could also lie in our dissatisfaction with our own appearances or the way we choose to identify. It’s the parts of us that makes us human. Imperfections are deemed unforgivable, and acceptance goes a long way.

In our minds there exists this image of the ideal person that we all aspire to become. If one could have things their way, they’d want to be that person now. Yet, personal growth is a process. You can’t rush it. Nobody becomes their best selves overnight.

It is something that you’re going to hate to put into practice on a daily basis in order to fit into that expectation. We’ll only get better at it as we grow.

What most people fail to keep in mind, however, is that you can’t always be that person. There are days we get into a slipping up streak and we lose a hold of ourselves. Many of us give into the pressure regardless.

By dwelling on our mistakes, we hinder ourselves from learning effectively from them. Lessons often come from the gravity of the fault itself, and that is to never repeat it again. Denial essentially prevents us from learning a second, more profound lesson: letting go and moving on.

It is easier said than done. It takes a lot of self-actualisation and maturity to putting aside our flaws and that of others to savour the silver linings. Those who get the short end of the stick often spiral into self-hatred.

Continue reading

What It Means To Be There For Someone

Love isn’t about grand gestures. It is about keeping up with the momentum; to be consistent when it comes to caring for and thinking of others. Be present with the people in your relationships at every step of the way. That means you’ve got to be willing to be there for them day or night; rain or shine. That’s all loving someone really is. It’s about the time and efforts your spend being with them and growing to love more about them.

To love someone wouldn’t always be an easy thing to do, either. It’s not a walk in the park, at least not in the literal sense. There will be times you’ll take notice of the subtleties of the smiles they fake, the tears behind their every laughter, the hurting they feel, and the hurting you will feel because of it all.

You can’t expect a person to always keep your best interests in mind, especially in their rare moments of extreme distress. After all, many of us find it difficult to maintain a collected, level-headed composure when under intense pressure, too. The thing about that pain is that it becomes your reality. It overwhelms you. Your regard for others will be greatly repressed. And in that moment, you’re not living as your best self. The only thing that’s preoccupying your mind amid the confusion and chaos will be survival.

There has got to be an understanding when one (or both) of you are ‘drowning’, but for there to be that understanding, there must be some form of communication going on. Being there for others is one of those ways.

They’ll be glad to have someone rooting for them. And you’ll be glad, too, knowing that of all people who are willing to make a difference for that person is none other than you. Do it with absolutely no expectation, and most definitely without a reason.

Your presence will speak volumes. It helps others in ways you’ll never know. Although it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll have a crowd of supporters of your very own during your hardships, it does come to show that you are very much capable to be supporting of yourself in every decision you make. It’s not about “who” you help, it’s about “how” you help them. And what better way is there?

Continue reading

8 Reasons to Move Away From Home

It is only natural that at a certain age, anyone would feel a strange, and intense desire to move away from the childhood comforts of their own home. It’s like a calling. Sometimes, the need to move out feels necessary, before your life could effectively begin anew.

Not everyone could possibly relate to the urge, however. Some may even question the logic of wanting to move out. In all fairness, we might not even have a solid answer for that ourselves.

People leave home not because they have an answer for it. They leave because they are in search for one. That’s absolutely fine. The only thing constant about life is that it is ever-changing, after all.

It is a frightening thought for sure, but there is also thrill and excitement. Venturing out on your own in a place without familiar faces, and without the very people you grew up alongside with, is in itself, an opportunity for growth.

However, it is not about where you end up, or the kind of answers you find. It is all about the journey; the process of growing.

Here, let us get to know eight reasons why anyone would want to move away from their home. Understand that the thoughts and feelings that come with it are absolutely understandable by your terms.

Growth isn’t something that happens within the confinement of one’s bedroom. It starts by venturing out into the world, and experiencing every feeling that comes your way.

Continue reading

Silence In A Relationship— and finding your own closure

There is something beautiful about falling in love. You get to see someone special to you in a whole new coloured lens; see things the way they do, talk about things you never thought were important, those long, light-footed walks in parks as the sun sets over the horizon and their voice plays a tune to your ear.

Yeah, that only works in movies…

There is a lot more to falling in love than just one big declaration. There’ll be disagreements, compromises, misunderstandings, arguments, separation, and of course, the usual anxiety. It’s a mess. 

Words can hurt and actions speak louder. But what about silence, that prolonging, haunting feeling that plagues you when voices go unheard? How does one fare in that situation? After all, things seem to get way more complicated than that.

Continue reading

The Idea of Non-conformity: Avoiding the traps of peer pressure

Living life is fun. It’s a long, eventful path filled with so much joy and chaos that we barely give ourselves enough credit for going through it all. 

Surviving, on the other hand, is a different story altogether. Some things in life happen without prior warning and we’re forced to rely on our split-second instincts to make a decision. This leads to errors of judgement, and decisions that we may end up regretting.

To make matters worse, we beat ourselves up for being involved in our own problems before we even face them. That won’t help. Not at all. And believe me, these things happen much more than we’d like them to.

Continue reading

The Idea of Independence: Finding happiness in your own company

Let’s get something straight; if you’re in your adolescent years or if you already have surpassed that age, you should be more than able to relate. I’m talking about our emotional attachments to material possessions; things that should have never been brought to heart.

In the lesson of loss, we learn quite a lot. We learn to accept the situation as is and to move forward from there. When one is truly resilient, they go the extra mile to understand the root of that pain and how it came to be. The prudent person does not forgo to the scrutiny of their own faults. What’s done is done but there are always measures we can take so as to prevent history from repeating itself.

Eventually you’ll come to realise that the pain you feel inside you didn’t necessarily come from the loss itself. The true nature of that despair is that you’ve loved far too intensely for your own good. In fact, you loved so much that you’ve amounted your own self-worth to the value of that cherished commodity. Your own life is just as special.

Continue reading

The Idea of Overthinking

Lulling ourselves into the oldest trap in the book

In life, we must be logical about things; there is no use in living our fantasies as if they were real. If living in a dream world, when we try to focus on the important, we find ourselves pondering on other unrelated things. It is these superfluous thoughts that impede our logical functions.

Go to someplace green. Breathe in the open air.

You should not allow these thoughts to have complete control over you. You need to keep yourself grounded. Thoughts are just thoughts, and nothing intrinsically makes them truthful. The decisions you make and how they are conducted is all determined by your own actions. Thoughts themselves are not the end, rather they are the means.

However, it is easy to overthink, and to ‘lose yourself in thought’. Overthinking leads you to doubt decisions that until that point have been forgone conclusions. This misty state of mind falls when excessive worry clouds your judgments. In fact, you’re so fogged over that your emotional and rational processing is compromised.

A basic part of life is understanding and developing your weaknesses. Here, let us set aside our doubts for a moment (and hopefully forever), and see our worries for what they really are.

Continue reading

The Idea of Want: Finding Clarity Amidst The Chaos of Loss

Want. A strong enough word? Maybe not. After all, there are afflictions yet uncured and dilemmas yet unsolved. But remember; for all its impotence, you cannot ever deny its internal presence. Nor can you ignore the formidable drive to attain that one thing that should so rightfully be yours. Do not condemn ‘wanting’ to ‘just another feeling’; it is a respectable drive with the potential to flower into anything you want.

“Wouldn’t it be nice ?” ~ The Beach Boys

It is within human nature to be in a constant strive mode. We all foster this innate drive by turning our most forceful desires into our most important goals. It is in this way that we learn to be resourceful. It is all in the thrill of the hunt.

Our endeavors are what keep us going. However, you must understand that in life you cannot get everything you want. In our losses, there are always lessons to be found. These lessons may seem either monumental or insignificant at the time, but regardless of their apparent magnitude, every lesson well-learned represents a surefire future success.

Here are some important outlooks for when it comes to accepting our dues.

Continue reading

Taking Baby Steps: An Esse Duo Guide to Getting Things Done

“One small step for a man, one giant leap for a baby” ~ Someone, Somewhere, Probably.

Got an idea in mind but you’ve got seemingly no clue where to start?

Many of us struggle with procrastination. Putting off an errand until the very last minute, or even until it’s too late. And, to our dismay, we occasionally go through periods of stagnation where we may feel as if our creativity is just not working out in our favour. 

Well, paging Doctor Baby, here are some inspiring, effective (and innocent) approaches we could learn from Mother Nature’s little bundles of joy.

Continue reading