Tackling Anxiety with Back-Up Plans

Sometimes you can’t help it. Feeling anxious is another form of fear. Anxiety is the kind of worry you have over an exaggerated, expected event to happen in your life. You anticipate the worst imaginable outcome so that you’ll supposedly be mentally prepared for it should it happen.

Nothing will put your mind at peace. You’ll think obsessively about it; become so overwhelmed by it that you can’t hold water. It is only until you could see the end result for yourself will you be able to resolve your inner conflict.

So why plan B? The idea is to cope with your anxiety until the moment of truth arrives. How ever long the wait may be I implore you to put your time and energy into thinking of an alternative solution. You’ve got to have all your options out on the table. It sure beats beating yourself up with no other choices in mind.

Think of plan B as another route to getting to the same destination you initially intended with plan A. You aren’t settling for less, you’re just giving yourself a better shot at succeeding. Your life is full of second chances. It’s all about finding the right places, so bide your time.

“The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B.”

James A. Yorke
Continue reading

Dealing in Absolutes, how reality is denied

We all have our fears, insecurities, and doubts, don’t we? In fact, from very young ages, we were taught to trust and distrust the things in our surrounding environment. A very Sisyphean way of thinking. We innately fear what we don’t quite understand. Until we can put those worries to bed, all we could do is try to make ourselves feel comfortable.

To save ourselves the trouble of complicating our thoughts, we turn a blind eye towards perspectives that we are less inclined to believe in or to believe will happen. This sort of black-and-white thinking (or all-or-nothing thinking) is a defence mechanism.

Dealing in absolutes is essentially when we take an answer, solidify our stance on it, and ignore all other possibilities. It is an extreme that implores us to think that something or someone is entirely good or entirely bad; whether it is to be trusted or not. We become reluctant to find a middle ground.

The psychiatric term for this phenomenon is called splitting.

Continue reading

What It Means To Be There For Someone

Love isn’t about grand gestures. It is about keeping up with the momentum; to be consistent when it comes to caring for and thinking of others. Be present with the people in your relationships at every step of the way. That means you’ve got to be willing to be there for them day or night; rain or shine. That’s all loving someone really is. It’s about the time and efforts your spend being with them and growing to love more about them.

To love someone wouldn’t always be an easy thing to do, either. It’s not a walk in the park, at least not in the literal sense. There will be times you’ll take notice of the subtleties of the smiles they fake, the tears behind their every laughter, the hurting they feel, and the hurting you will feel because of it all.

You can’t expect a person to always keep your best interests in mind, especially in their rare moments of extreme distress. After all, many of us find it difficult to maintain a collected, level-headed composure when under intense pressure, too. The thing about that pain is that it becomes your reality. It overwhelms you. Your regard for others will be greatly repressed. And in that moment, you’re not living as your best self. The only thing that’s preoccupying your mind amid the confusion and chaos will be survival.

There has got to be an understanding when one (or both) of you are ‘drowning’, but for there to be that understanding, there must be some form of communication going on. Being there for others is one of those ways.

They’ll be glad to have someone rooting for them. And you’ll be glad, too, knowing that of all people who are willing to make a difference for that person is none other than you. Do it with absolutely no expectation, and most definitely without a reason.

Your presence will speak volumes. It helps others in ways you’ll never know. Although it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll have a crowd of supporters of your very own during your hardships, it does come to show that you are very much capable to be supporting of yourself in every decision you make. It’s not about “who” you help, it’s about “how” you help them. And what better way is there?

Continue reading

Resentment – When We Idolise Our Anger, and How to Overcome It

It has been said that ‘hate’ is a strong word. So, is there some other emotion that could better describe the way you feel toward something or someone else?

To hate someone means to exhibit hostility in their presence. On the other hand, resentment involves showing similar behaviours of disgust, albeit more discreetly. In fact, a person who harbours resentment may be more depressed about it, and the feelings of anger that come with it are more likely to be internalised than projected.

You can’t so easily hate a person, especially if it is regarding someone closest to you. But it is easier to resent a person. Even the strongest of bonds you have with someone else can be strained with resentment.

Continue reading

The Feeling of Schadenfreude, an experience with the dark side of joy

To better understand this topic, I’m gonna need you to drop the myth that any one emotion is remotely ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Drop it. In the end of the day, all you are left to do is to simply feel them.

However, it all goes without saying that our emotions are indeed complexed. Feeling emotions to later identify what they (really) are and how they came about is the best way to working through it. You must allow your emotions to flow.

Life doesn’t exist in shades of black and white, and this same principle applies to our emotions, too. There are times we may feel sad, which may come off as a generally negative feeling, albeit a normal emotional response to pain, there also exists its darker counterpart, despair.

The same goes for the feelings of anger and hatred.

Love and lust.

Faith and greed.

But what about our happiness? Could a word that sounds as purely innocent as to what it means really have such a negative, extreme aspect? Is our happiness capable of bringing harm to oneself and to others?

Allow me to introduce to you a really cool-sounding German term Schadenfreude, which means “defective joy“. This oxymoron is used when a person’s sense of pleasure is derived from the pain and calamities that befall on others.

Continue reading

8 Reasons to Move Away From Home

It is only natural that at a certain age, anyone would feel a strange, and intense desire to move away from the childhood comforts of their own home. It’s like a calling. Sometimes, the need to move out feels necessary, before your life could effectively begin anew.

Not everyone could possibly relate to the urge, however. Some may even question the logic of wanting to move out. In all fairness, we might not even have a solid answer for that ourselves.

People leave home not because they have an answer for it. They leave because they are in search for one. That’s absolutely fine. The only thing constant about life is that it is ever-changing, after all.

It is a frightening thought for sure, but there is also thrill and excitement. Venturing out on your own in a place without familiar faces, and without the very people you grew up alongside with, is in itself, an opportunity for growth.

However, it is not about where you end up, or the kind of answers you find. It is all about the journey; the process of growing.

Here, let us get to know eight reasons why anyone would want to move away from their home. Understand that the thoughts and feelings that come with it are absolutely understandable by your terms.

Growth isn’t something that happens within the confinement of one’s bedroom. It starts by venturing out into the world, and experiencing every feeling that comes your way.

Continue reading

Showing Empathy – Love in its truest form

There is a lot more to having empathy than just putting oneself in someone else’s shoes. You are validating their feelings, too. You are willing to see past their faults, blessings, and problems. You’re seeing them for who they are.

It’s not their vulnerabilities that has gotten your interest, and there is only so much that you can do for them. At times, you may even feel powerless, as you watch them pick themselves up from a distance. After all, life is not without its hardships.

Empathy is more or less like a special, unspoken bond you could have with someone else. It is the basis of compassion; to relate to someone in all their wonder. At that moment, you are being present with them, without the concern for self-interest; and without condition. That sends the right message: “I’ve got you.”

Continue reading

An Introduction to Schizophrenia

What do you understand ‘Schizophrenia’ to be ?

Do you think of a hypnotic spinning wheel ? A mind-bending pattern of colourful zig-zags ? Whispers in the wind ? Hallucinations of demons ? An inexplicable murderous urge ?

Those can be correct, yet the mental condition in reality is often more subtle.

In media it is often portrayed as an other-wordly experience, affecting our thinking, emotions, and actions. Hence, it is known by experts as a psychotic disorder.

Continue reading

Venting Frustrations, When Anger Takes Over

Anger. While it is not the easiest emotion to harbour, it is surely among the most tempting to give into. Why is it, that you ask? We feel angry because it helps us to regulate pain.

It is always easier to get angry than to get hurt.

Whenever you feel angry, you must allow the emotion to flow. The best way out of an emotion is to simply feel it.

With that being said, you shouldn’t dwell on the feeling any longer than you have to. The problem when we focus solely on our anger and its triggering events is that it intensifies, and it gets to the point of getting annoying.

This brings us to a whole new other level of anger: frustration. Anger manifests into frustration when we get upset or annoyed by how prolonging we find our situations to be. By dwelling on it, we’ve essentially ingrained the emotion into our subconscious minds.

Continue reading

Silence In A Relationship— and finding your own closure

There is something beautiful about falling in love. You get to see someone special to you in a whole new coloured lens; see things the way they do, talk about things you never thought were important, those long, light-footed walks in parks as the sun sets over the horizon and their voice plays a tune to your ear.

Yeah, that only works in movies…

There is a lot more to falling in love than just one big declaration. There’ll be disagreements, compromises, misunderstandings, arguments, separation, and of course, the usual anxiety. It’s a mess. 

Words can hurt and actions speak louder. But what about silence, that prolonging, haunting feeling that plagues you when voices go unheard? How does one fare in that situation? After all, things seem to get way more complicated than that.

Continue reading