Growing up is hardly ever a smooth sailing transition. Before you get to open waters, you’ve got to watch out for the riptides. Interestingly, for better or for worse, we’re not alone. That’s where family comes in. They’ve got your back. They are all you’ve ever known. They assure you that you can always feel safe with them.
But that’s not always the case now, is it? We live in a reality where life is never a one-size-fits-all scenario.
Going back to the topic of growing up, it is a journey that calls for tough decision making. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choices. All that exists are the ones you make, and that calls for you to be wholly responsible for them. It is only natural that not everyone can agree with your wants and needs. It goes without saying that they just don’t see themselves in them.
In such cases, the right thing is hardly ever the best thing. This is the part of growing up where your perceptions of the people you once grew up with changes. You will begin to mould your own definition of the concept of family. And that’s okay. Change is the only thing that is constant, and family dynamics aren’t an exception to that.
Here are some things you could do when you feel hated by your loved ones. Let’s give you an idea on how to work through negative sentiments healthily.
Reaching your 20 years’ checkpoint is a huge deal. It’s crucial. It is the time where it’s possible to celebrate your life and choose to walk down the paths that will mould you. This chapter of your life will determine the way you’d live your upcoming decades.
The truth is: not many people give enough emphasis on the importance of the so-called ‘defining decade’. That’s because not many people walked into their twenties knowing what they’d want for themselves. In many ways, people take their youth for granted.
Chances are that if you are fresh in your 20s, or somewhere within that age range, it isn’t too late. Your life hasn’t yet begun. Your past; regrets and failures hold no merit. Take lessons from your story in all its wonder, and let the next chapter continue.
Nobody is perfect and you are not an exception to that rule. We are ridden with flaws, mistakes, guilt, grief, regrets, and insecurities. Heck, the problem could also lie in our dissatisfaction with our own appearances or the way we choose to identify. It’s the parts of us that makes us human. Imperfections are deemed unforgivable, and acceptance goes a long way.
In our minds there exists this image of the ideal person that we all aspire to become. If one could have things their way, they’d want to be that person now. Yet, personal growth is a process. You can’t rush it. Nobody becomes their best selves overnight.
It is something that you’re going to hate to put into practice on a daily basis in order to fit into that expectation. We’ll only get better at it as we grow.
What most people fail to keep in mind, however, is that you can’t always be that person. There are days we get into a slipping up streak and we lose a hold of ourselves. Many of us give into the pressure regardless.
By dwelling on our mistakes, we hinder ourselves from learning effectively from them. Lessons often come from the gravity of the fault itself, and that is to never repeat it again. Denial essentially prevents us from learning a second, more profound lesson: letting go and moving on.
It is easier said than done. It takes a lot of self-actualisation and maturity to putting aside our flaws and that of others to savour the silver linings. Those who get the short end of the stick often spiral into self-hatred.
People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.
Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?
To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.
It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.
Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’twilling to do.
They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.
This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.
“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”
Many people are modest about their individual levels of self-respect. There are some who will mask their insecurities with great confidence. Then, there are those who openly profess holding a negatively low opinion about themselves. People’s responses could range from anywhere between gestures of humility to self-aggrandising remarks to even cries of self-pity. It’s a sensitive question altogether. At its core, it is more about fulfilment than it is a matter of self-respect. Surely, with the former comes the latter. The more goals you accomplish, the more you see yourself worthy of respect.
The decision is ultimately one of two; either to strive for ‘more’, or to make peace with what assets one already has at their disposal. People are creatures of purpose. Many of us find our sense of identity in affiliation. Those who wish to venture outside the collective, social norm often resort to honing their skills which they and more often than not, higher ups find agreeable and worthy of recognition.
In our attempts for seeking out opportunities, self-esteem becomes a crucial factor. We wonder to how far an extent our chances are at succeeding. To get the full perspective of building one’s self-esteem, there is a suggest of competition among peers, and even within ourselves. “What makes us stand apart from the crowd?” we second-guess ourselves.
Of all the 8.7 million different species that walk this modern Earth, human beings (Homo sapiens) are the only known creatures that aspire the will to create. We want to stand out apart from all the other lifeforms that co-exist with us. Heck, we even want to stand apart from each other. We all want something that we can call “our own.”
If you are an artist, you could probably relate to this question, “Something went wrong, but what exactly?” This is true for most artists. Some of us shrug it off easier than others; some of us find it a hair-pulling situation to be in. The bottom line is: nobody likes the feeling.
This brings me to my next question, where does that thought really stem from?
Uncertain times can get the better of us. When so much is on the line, you begin to feel lost and desperate for a definitive answer. And you want it now. It’s almost as if you’re bargaining with fate. Chances are you’re bored and there’s nothing more to be done about your circumstances, except to wait anxiously.
You could only stay quiet for so long. Or can you actually pull that off?
Patience goes a long way. It’s another problem on its own, but a solvable one. Patience is a learned behaviour so don’t expect yourself to master the art overnight. All in all, no one really holds onto patience so perfectly; there are times we lose sight of it. It’s all done in the name of trying.
When we wait for something, we’re often waiting with something, too. Sometimes, our minds get accompanied with thoughts of alarming worry, or even the worst extremes, despair and regret. We feel overwhelmed. Optimism isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I can assure that the best of its properties are somewhere along the bitterness.
So, remember how your parents used to ground you for weeks on end for a misdemeanour you made as a child? Well, this is a different sort of grounding because this time, it’s going to be on your terms.
Let’s get something straightened out. For those of you who aren’t liberal enough, you’re not going to get it. Some of you may think you get it; you want to get it. You claim that you could relate to others with what you’ve personally been through, but you could never understand what it means to live someone else’s life. To be a has-been, you need to actually “have been”.
Telling someone off with the two-letter word can be a powerful statement in and of itself. You’re setting a boundary between them and you; a mark of how far you’d go for them. Of course it is only natural that anyone being told off “no” would like to hear a reason for it. There is that suggest of genuinely wanting to know. For the most part, you’re almost tempted to give them your excuses. You hope that they could be persuaded to see things through your eyes, too.
I’m going to break it to you: they don’t need it. You don’t have to do the persuasion bit. All that’s left after saying a firm, comprehensible “no” is to proceed with your own programme. As for the other person; so long as you’ve fulfilled your end of your responsibilities, then they just have to respect that decision. It’s entirely up to them as to how they’d want to make peace with it.
Giving a succinct “no” for an answer; without any further justifications can bring about an important change in how others see you. You’re giving off the impression that you are not one to be taken lightly, or to be taken advantage of. Your generosity is not to be mistaken for subservience.
Here are some things I wished I had known for the longest time; growing up. Knowing when to say no at the appropriate time can be tricky, but it’s not so mind-boggling as you might think.
“People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”
Racing thoughts are inconsistent, rapid thought patterns that we have little to no control over. Everything that pops into your mind feels spontaneous and so random you can’t make sense of any of it. Your mind is clearly still active; restless, even if your body is feeling otherwise. It gets easy to feel overwhelmed by it.
Sometimes, it’s a symptom of depression or anxiety, or even, both. It is entirely possible for the two psychological abnormalities to be a comorbidity of each other. The underlying root is the same: we hold onto negative expectations, and believe it to be inescapable.
But you’re not alone! It happens to everyone and at any moment in their lives. It’s just another one of life’s long series of solvable problems.