SAY ‘NO’ – The Way to Establish Boundaries

Let’s get something straightened out. For those of you who aren’t liberal enough, you’re not going to get it. Some of you may think you get it; you want to get it. You claim that you could relate to others with what you’ve personally been through, but you could never understand what it means to live someone else’s life. To be a has-been, you need to actually “have been”.

Telling someone off with the two-letter word can be a powerful statement in and of itself. You’re setting a boundary between them and you; a mark of how far you’d go for them. Of course it is only natural that anyone being told off “no” would like to hear a reason for it. There is that suggest of genuinely wanting to know. For the most part, you’re almost tempted to give them your excuses. You hope that they could be persuaded to see things through your eyes, too.

I’m going to break it to you: they don’t need it. You don’t have to do the persuasion bit. All that’s left after saying a firm, comprehensible “no” is to proceed with your own programme. As for the other person; so long as you’ve fulfilled your end of your responsibilities, then they just have to respect that decision. It’s entirely up to them as to how they’d want to make peace with it.

Giving a succinct “no” for an answer; without any further justifications can bring about an important change in how others see you. You’re giving off the impression that you are not one to be taken lightly, or to be taken advantage of. Your generosity is not to be mistaken for subservience.

Here are some things I wished I had known for the longest time; growing up. Knowing when to say no at the appropriate time can be tricky, but it’s not so mind-boggling as you might think.

“People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

Steve Jobs
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Announcing The Twenty-Eight Days Of Haiku !

Hey there ! It’s me, Jack.

First of all, welcome to Esse Duo ! Thank you for coming, and enjoy your stay.

When we arrive at a new month, we may ask ourselves what changes we can commit to in order to improve ourselves. Sometimes, we bite off more than we can chew, which can leave us feeling dissatisfied.

Change, I find, is something best implemented over time in small, consistent doses. Commitment, reliability and punctuality are all important qualities that I admittedly should be working on.

Thinking as such, I have decided to commit to a month of daily Haiku poetry publishing !

Haikus are short, three line poems. They consist of a rigid meter of five syllables, followed by seven, and finally another five. They originated in Japan, and have since become popular in the West.

Traditionally, Haiku were intended to portray the beauty of natural phenomena, and provide human metaphorical insight into those processes. Since then, Haiku have evolved to cover a more general subject matter.

For me, as long as a poem adheres to the 5-7-5 syllable structure, its a Haiku. I’m no expert, but I’m sure I’ll cover a lot of different topics that way.

So, here we are; the twenty-eight days of Haiku ! Neither of us know what exactly to expect from the result, but I’m certain something nice will come out of it.

I hope you enjoy the this month of poetry.

Jack.

Artist: Katsushika Hokusai; Publisher: Moriya Jihei; Source: Minneapolis Institute of Art;

Human Errors: The Case Against Yourself

Nobody is perfect and you are not an exception to that rule. We are ridden with flaws, mistakes, guilt, grief, regrets, and insecurities. Heck, the problem could also lie in our dissatisfaction with our own appearances or the way we choose to identify. It’s the parts of us that makes us human. Imperfections are deemed unforgivable, and acceptance goes a long way.

In our minds there exists this image of the ideal person that we all aspire to become. If one could have things their way, they’d want to be that person now. Yet, personal growth is a process. You can’t rush it. Nobody becomes their best selves overnight.

It is something that you’re going to hate to put into practice on a daily basis in order to fit into that expectation. We’ll only get better at it as we grow.

What most people fail to keep in mind, however, is that you can’t always be that person. There are days we get into a slipping up streak and we lose a hold of ourselves. Many of us give into the pressure regardless.

By dwelling on our mistakes, we hinder ourselves from learning effectively from them. Lessons often come from the gravity of the fault itself, and that is to never repeat it again. Denial essentially prevents us from learning a second, more profound lesson: letting go and moving on.

It is easier said than done. It takes a lot of self-actualisation and maturity to putting aside our flaws and that of others to savour the silver linings. Those who get the short end of the stick often spiral into self-hatred.

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Stop Fetishising Your Own Sadness- instead never give in

People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.

Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?

To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.

It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.

Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’t willing to do.

They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.

This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.

“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”

Ovid, Roman poet. Born 43 BC, died 17-18 AD.
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The Peregrine Falcon – A Poem

As flecks of grey against weathered crags,
The pigeon flock glides over foamy sands,
They graze the gaunt, sallow faces of cliffs,
Contoured by eternal moss, untouched by sage hands.
 
The picture of patience, with mercy of man,
From heaven above, the peregrine falcon judges,
Determined, the avian magistrate strikes her gavel,
And so mortal fates are decided; no being grudges.
 
Hayabusa peels away from the clouds,
Guided by instincts, honed and refined,
With streamline speed and precise dexterity,
Prey and gunsights, perfectly aligned.
 
Death; the pigeon's ruffled feathers gently fall,
And sink like warships along the turbid coast,
The falcon feasts on her hard earned prey,
And the falcon's pride, a thing to boast.

Self-esteem: A Motivation or Sabotage?

Many people are modest about their individual levels of self-respect. There are some who will mask their insecurities with great confidence. Then, there are those who openly profess holding a negatively low opinion about themselves. People’s responses could range from anywhere between gestures of humility to self-aggrandising remarks to even cries of self-pity. It’s a sensitive question altogether. At its core, it is more about fulfilment than it is a matter of self-respect. Surely, with the former comes the latter. The more goals you accomplish, the more you see yourself worthy of respect.

The decision is ultimately one of two; either to strive for ‘more’, or to make peace with what assets one already has at their disposal. People are creatures of purpose. Many of us find our sense of identity in affiliation. Those who wish to venture outside the collective, social norm often resort to honing their skills which they and more often than not, higher ups find agreeable and worthy of recognition.

In our attempts for seeking out opportunities, self-esteem becomes a crucial factor. We wonder to how far an extent our chances are at succeeding. To get the full perspective of building one’s self-esteem, there is a suggest of competition among peers, and even within ourselves. “What makes us stand apart from the crowd?” we second-guess ourselves.

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7 Ways to Alleviate Anxiety Before Bed

Not all of us are good sleepers. We all get to sleep, it’s just that some people do a much better job at falling asleep or staying asleep than others.

At certain points in our lives, we find ourselves faced with anxiety. It’s not normal, but at the same time it is not completely abnormal either. It’s just another part of life.

The thing about the occurrence of anxiety, especially before our bed times, is that it can be detrimental to one’s health. In many cases, people lose sleep completely because of it.

Getting right into it, here are our 7 ways to help you alleviate anxiety before bed.

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