Stop Fetishising Your Own Sadness- instead never give in

People make excellent defeatists. Self-doubt, incessant worrying, and having insecurities are not novel to us. The reality is such that for many people, those are their first reactions when it comes to facing problems. We anticipate failure.

Things only get beyond the point of healthy when our expectancy of failure or rejection influences our decision-making. Because we all want to play it safe, now don’t we?

To confine oneself within their comfort zone is no way to keep safe. It prevents a person from progressing in life through developmental learning and getting more exposures. The very components of growth.

It is only through our personal growth do we become more adept at increasing our chances for survival.

Many people wallow in self-pity and defeat without having any kind of intention to move pass beyond it. Admitting to hopelessness is easier for them than it is to putting in the effort to overcome the problem. It is not that they are finding comfort in what they can’t do; it is about them finding comfort in what they aren’t willing to do.

They’d rather end up feeling all sad, complaining with despair than to take initiative.

This behaviour has to stop. It’s not healthy in the long-run. The best way to putting a stop to this problem lies in our perspectives. A readjustment of our perceptions is often the most effective solution to most barriers that are psychology-related.

“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind and has given up worrying once and for all.”

Ovid, Roman poet. Born 43 BC, died 17-18 AD.

The art of convincing yourself

Having a change of perspective isn’t all that simple. It’s pretty much you having to convince yourself of the contrary to what you’ve already deeply believed in. With that being said, it will require some time and a lot of positive self-talk.

Arguably the best way to do this is in simply having more exposures. Remember how teachers (and parents) once said, “Practice makes perfect”? Well, the same concept applies here.

The more hands-on experience you get, you will begin to get a better hang of what you initially found difficult. It stems from how your muscle memory and honed skills act in opposition to what your initial views were.

It gets easier with every time you do it. In those moments during your practices, you’ll gradually develop the confidence necessary to progressing beyond your negative thought processes and eventually, succeeding.

But what of expectations?

Expectations kill happiness

The mind of a hardcore defeatist is such that even when things seem to be working in their favour or to their advantage, they could hardly believe it. They simply do not trust it.

Their questions and thought patterns often indicate that failure and rejection is a powerful likelihood. They spiral deeper into despair, abandoning hope and losing faith in themselves in the midst of their own self-defeating tendencies.

Remember, we’re talking about fetishising sadness. That means we’re dealing with a person; maybe yourself, who is readily in denial that they are worth the success; that they settle for the bare minimum to make it through in life and by extension, their endeavours. They make excellent dwellers.

Is it remotely possible to have no expectations, then?

If we’re looking at the grand scheme of things it is very much possible, given time. In the case of awaiting for pending results, things get a little more complicated. Expectations in this case while not easily repressed or ignored, we could work towards internalising more positive outlooks.

It is not giving yourself false hope when you’ve got plenty more opportunities in your arsenal. It is best to not stress on it too much. Don’t feel guilty for needing a mental break every now and then.

Another key advice you could make use of is by not dealing in absolutes. There are countless possibilities. It is all up to you to which result you are prepared to work for.

It’s important to breathe

A lot of people don’t understand the importance of needing to “take a breather”.

Most people mistake the connotation that it is merely a brief break between activities. The mistake lies in the word ‘brief.’ The truth is, even if time is of the essence, your main focus should not be on how long your pause from work is, but rather it is on how effectively you cope during that short period of recess.

As you breathe, close your eyes or fetch yourself a drink to rehydrate. I recommend looking up for breathing techniques online. The idea is to remain calm, and be at comfort with the present moment.

Allow your emphasis on breathing to be a means of staying grounded. Just when you begin to feel the walls closing in on you, or when the pressures are heightened, take notice of every breath you take. All that matters in that moment is that you are living in the present. Worrying about a non-existent future event is not going to affect you in the way you think it would right now.

Bottomline: Never give up

Nothing is impossible if you put your mind, time, and work into it. There is wisdom in the cliché. It doesn’t make it any less true.

Regardless whether you are working toward a short-term or long-term goal, it goes without saying that sacrifices are to be made. As with all things, there exists a set of costs. It all depends on you whether or not you wish to make the results justify the means.

Even when the pressures are rising up against you, you get to determine to how much an extent it affects you. So long as you could prevent negative thought patterns from becoming a hindrance to achieving your ends or to lead a healthy lifestyle, then you’re on the right track.


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