Let’s get something straight; if you’re in your adolescent years or if you already have surpassed that age, you should be more than able to relate. I’m talking about our emotional attachments to material possessions; things that should have never been brought to heart.
In the lesson of loss, we learn quite a lot. We learn to accept the situation as is and to move forward from there. When one is truly resilient, they go the extra mile to understand the root of that pain and how it came to be. The prudent person does not forgo to the scrutiny of their own faults. What’s done is done but there are always measures we can take so as to prevent history from repeating itself.
Eventually you’ll come to realise that the pain you feel inside you didn’t necessarily come from the loss itself. The true nature of that despair is that you’ve loved far too intensely for your own good. In fact, you loved so much that you’ve amounted your own self-worth to the value of that cherished commodity. Your own life is just as special.
Here are some important outlooks that may help you come to terms with dealing with our dependencies and losses. No pain stops just by reading an article. However, the idea is that you will start to see things for yourself with a more rational, objective mindset, without any delusions.
1. Know what is spellbinding to you
You can’t take any necessary precautions if you don’t know what exactly it is that you’re a sucker for. Take a deep breath… exhale, then prepare for a longer pause for self-reflection.
Imagine a key that you could clutch in your hand. Like any key, it is relatively small, just barely encompassing your palm. It is made of metal and gives off that metallic scent. It is also a safeguard to something important.
Whomsoever holds the aforementioned key will be granted liberal access to the possessions you hold dear. Imagine that this is a treasure worth desperately trying to keep out of harm’s way: your happiness.
The point I’m trying to make is that you must be the one to identify what makes you happy. Ask yourself just how secure your happiness is with that entity and for how long you believe it will remain within your reach.
“Is your happiness in safe hands?”, and “Would it be so easily lost?” are the sort of questions that are in need of answering. It is in knowing what you’ve associated your exuberance with that will be able to know what it is that you’ve been bewitched by.
Ultimately, the only one who can discover, even if not reliably, what makes you truly happy is none other than yourself. This is where the role of responsibility takes immediate effect in your life. You are responsible for your own wellbeing.
2. Give yourself a better chance
There is an opportunity ever so elusive that recurs in our everyday lives. It is a profound occasion, yet we fail to give it any real acknowledgement.
The aforementioned opportunity that I speak of is the chance for your attention to be exclusively directed on yourself. Respect applies equally to everyone, including the respect you would have for yourself.
The reason as to why we find it so difficult to know who we really are and what we really want is because we choose to invest our time and efforts on others instead of the person in the mirror, inadvertently or otherwise.
You are your own worst and best critic. We can be overly harsh, downright domineering, neglectful, and even act as an (internal) obstacle in the way of our own self-care. And yet, we also have the potential to be our best advisors and most trusted confidants.
Of course, there will be times for there to be other people to come to our aid when we (don’t really) need them most, especially when we’re in need for validation for our actions, choices, and feelings. I think it should about time for you to take up that role, too.
You’ll be quite surprised by how good of a pilot you really are at navigating your way through life. How well you manage your journey will determine the sort of landing you’ll make at your arrival at your intended destination, wherever it is you may want that to be. Taking situational factors into consideration, let that be a measurement of your resilience.
Learn to not seek constant verification from other people. It’s exhausting, demanding, and occasionally unnecessary.
It is fine to seek the counsel of others since it’s only logical we’d want to learn of any possible risks and potential outcomes of situations we’re unfamiliar of. With that being said, it is more befitting for you to come to your own conclusions. You sought them out for advice and nothing more.
By drawing the line between autonomy and crowd-following, you get to determine what is best for you. Be that kind of pilot. It is in making decisions for yourself will you then become more aware of who you really are, and what that means to you.
Finally: you are the main decision-maker in your life. You are the one in control as you make your way through your intended path. You are at long last your biggest asset. This time, your opinions matter. Even more so than ever.
3. Love is an actor with many masks
One of our more remarkable traits is that when we love a person, we will pour out our hearts to them. It’s all in the name of love.
Ever heard the saying that love is blind? It is. It is figuratively very much so. And in our blindness, we become oblivious to so many important aspects. Such of which may include the love we hold for ourselves, or even the upholding of someone else’s rights and needs. We become so blind that we confuse our needs and wants; a dire affliction.
What we are in fact doing is seeking for a pillar of strength; something to lean our insecurities on. That is not strength. To be reliant on a significant other should never be a means to uphold our self-esteem.
Restraint takes strength. Patience takes strength. The true measurement of strength is in our capabilities to do things with proper execution. So, love in the right way. The best of us are those who give themselves and others the space they need to grow and become their own individuals.
Love without compulsion, obsession, fear, and distrust is loving someone in the purest way imaginable. So, stay away from dependencies because there comes a time in every little bird’s life to take flight out from the nest. Its trust is in its wings.
4. Live in the moment
This is the part where the silver lining comes in: Find solace in going solo, even if only temporary. The whole world is your canvas!
See this as a segue for improvement. Your past experiences can be a motivation for getting better, but your past life doesn’t have to define who you are right now and who you are about to become.
Take a vacation, read a book, learn a new hobby, engage in classes and social gatherings, and eat that chocolate cake! Sure, these activities sound just about cliché to anyone who has faced a dissension of some sort. Nevertheless, do what you can to level up in this mad game we play called ‘life’.
By adding more extensive skills to your arsenal, you’ll see things in a new light. You’ll develop new ideas and conceive of new fantasies. You really are capable of so much more; capable of doing things you never thought you would be doing.
It is often in the things we spend time on alone that we gain sentiments of self-respect. Choose to invest in yourself before on others. Know that others may not always be so readily available to be there for you, so you’re going to have to talk yourself out of a rut.
When all is said and done, a positive investment in yourself will always turn into a positive investment in other people.
5. Learn to move on
Having to go alone even if temporarily can actually be pretty awesome. You can’t imagine a freedom any more rewarding than this. You’re not bound to any individual or possession, and the world is your oyster. This time it is a solo adventure. Happiness is what you make it.
However, do understand that there is a fine line between ‘having to go alone’ and ‘being alone’. While it is important that you focus on being your own person, no one is enforcing you to radically sever ties or to remain single forever. That would not be an idyllic life to live by.
The next time you commit to a relationship of any kind, do it in the proper way you know how. Love just as you would love you, but this time do not forget the love you would have for yourself. There exists a balance in all things, and love is no exception. Do not rush it. Things will play out favourably in the future if one behaves accordingly in the present.
Ideally, this is the extra meaning behind the concept of ‘moving on’. It isn’t merely accepting our dues, however much willpower that requires of us. It has just as much to do with the journey we take afterwards toward self-improvement.
Your pain will not go away immediately. In fact, loss is a scar, metaphorically speaking. Scars heal but they also reveal the kind of trauma we have endured. All we can do is build around that lasting mark and make something beautiful out of it. In a sense, it is the most respected of all beauties.
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